Recently when I go home to my mums I have taken up an avid
interest in reading the ‘ Mangala Yojana’ section of the Sri Lankan paper. This causes so much jubilation in my poor
mother, and I’m sure is contributing to her new found faith in me.
While, I know it’s wrong to lead your mother on these
proposals section truly fascinates me. I
just can’t keep away from them. To be honest, it is slightly depressing at
times as everyone seems to be looking for a ‘ fair slim, educated daughter with
good Sri Lankan values for their 35 year
old divorced from an unsuccessful marriage with no fault of his own Son’. Being
neither fair or slim ( I am educated though, but do budding social worker/
psychologist don’t count as educated in the Sri Lankan Realm) and limited in my
grasp good Sri Lankan values, I have no chance in hell with this 30 year old non-smoking
tea toddler who holds a prestigious job in the government and owns his own
house.
Humour aside, the reason why these proposal section fascinates
me is that when I’m reading them I am constantly trying to imagine what kind of
person they maybe. Why anyone would let their parents or relatives advertise
them on the paper. Moreover, who to responds these proposals. Some might say it’s not very different to
meeting people on Facebook or dating sites. I tend to disagree through.
Because, proposals involve parents and relatives, and immaterial things like
cast religion etc suddenly gets centre stage. Why on earth someone would let
their parents elect their life partner?. I don’t even trust my parents to buy
me the right kind of underwear; I can’t imagine them picking my husband. Actually,
I have already had a good taste of their ‘suitable’ husband type. A few months
ago my parents decided to intervene in my epic failure of a love life and
responded to some proposal (without my knowledge). To their credit they did
take into account my weakness for the ‘pommy’ accent and found me a PHD dude
living in England. Sorry to say he was quite similar to the Granny panties mum usually
chooses. Now I know, granny panties are a sensible and practical choice in underwear
but it’s never sexy, never desirable and really not really practical if you wear
skin tight cloths. Needless to say I’m not a granny panty kind of girl. Actually
I don’t think I’ve owned a pair since grade 9 when I discovered them French knickers
(which I would like to point out are practical and sexy- like the man I would
like to marry J
). So I beg the question who says YES to
proposals???? And more importantly like my dad says are they more successful than
love marriages?
So, I did a bit of research not on Google but with people I
know. Based on pure observation and
deduction it seems there is a general ‘type’ of person who is willing to
partake in the process. From what I have
observed they are usually raised in a very loving environment where the parents
claim to have made a lot of ‘ sacrifices’ for their children. They all seem exhibit signs of emotional dependence,
tend to be the wear their heart on their sleeves and place high value social
acceptance. However, there is sprinkles of men who are old players who have
ended up with untouched pure little
virgin lathas, whom they still cheat on. So it looks like proposals are for those who
value the ideal of marriage rather than marrying the right person. They are
people who tend to crave the security that it is supposedly attached to the
status, never questions social norms and find happiness in social acceptance.
Thus it follows, that such people will remain married regardless of unhappiness
because, and divorce is surely not accepted within the Sri Lankan community. Therefore
it may seem these type of marriages last longer than those who marry for love.
Of course this is just an inference drawn by my own
observation and by no means should be generalised. However, when I was presenting
my conclusion/ argument (over a few glasses of wine) to a friend it highlighted
the fact that there are two types of us Sri Lankans.; the type who value
marriage as an ideal and those of us who value being married to the right
person. The second group is much smaller
than the first. Furthermore, I believe and sometimes you can move from the
second to the first group. It all depends on the person at the end. Most girls don’t
want to be an old maid and most people find it difficult to be alone. Thus marriage
regardless of the person you marry (granny panties or sexy French knickers) can
bring enough drama and preoccupation that you don’t ever have to feel like you’re alone and make the
meaningless mundane a meaningful journey full of “sacrifices” that can be used
to emotionally blackmail your adult children with!
The point of this long meandering blurb is that is all a
perpetual never ending cycle reinforced
by the Sri Lankan community so Unless your a stubborn little fuck and want to
break it you will be getting sucked into Marriage for the sake of it. – Let’s hope
for my sake, that Aunty Bodu govi’s 30 well
educated son with sober habits don’t tempt me to swap my French Knickers for
some Granny panties!!
