The Western media has had its influence on us Sri Lankan girls. The unfairness of our patriarchal society has been highlighted. We the Sri Lankan girls of Melbourne drink, dance and go home with whom ever we like, we talk about not needing man, not caring about what society think, we travel, our girlfriends sustain us and we are focusing on our careers. We demand to be seen as equal. We fight the good fight of a feminism or so we think.
This is exactly how I was a couple of years ago. My favourite saying was that I was a woman with the morals of man. However, this is not something the liberation of the west had taught me.
As a young girl my mothers and aunts always said to me ' you should have been born a boy'. That this was due to the fact that I was strong willed, always vocal about my opinions and never ever backed down until I got my way. So implicitly I was taught that these were traits of man, and not of a girl. So for a very long time I thought being told I was strong emotionally like man was compliment.
I nurtured these skills of logic, practicality and detachment over fluffy emotions.
In Sri Lanka, the girls are lucky. Unlike in countries such as India, Sri Lankan society allows for baby girls to thrive. I am not saying that we have the standards of developed countries, but for developing country we have far lower rates of forced marriages, female child deaths and high rates of literacy. Society is still divided by class system and really us girls who are born to parents of middle class and above have accesses to the good life. Growing up I was taught to believe in equality between the sexes, I believed in woman's rights, and I believed in being independent financially. I was 'told' by my mother that I had rights, that I had to study and have a career because that made me an equal. However, I was also taught that I needed to learn to cook, how do to house work, that I should look down and keep walking when men harassed me on the road, that I should wear a dress that's bellow my knees or I should expect to be harassed. when I told my father I wanted to study law, my father who is professor of architecture said to me jokingly ' your already a argumentative woman, if you become a lawyer you will more argumentative'. he advised me I study psychology instead and I listened. A boyfriend said to me that I should try to become a school counsellor as it would allow me to finish work as the same time as children we did not yet have and would leave me home bound with them. I agreed, that this was practical idea.
In retrospect I was brought up with illusion that women have rights, or women have rights to certain limit. I was brought up with role expectations of woman in patriarchal society. In the modern Sri Lanka women are expected to be educated and be financially independent. We are doctors, engineers, judges, lawyers, entrepreneurs, even a president but we are forever a woman; a vigina with a job. So basically we are expected hold down a job, know how to cook amaze ball curries, have kids, and remain a size 8. If a woman does not want to partake in this process, there is no real place for her in a Sri Lankan community. A few years ago when I was still single an aunty actually took me to Sasthara place, and the lady who spoke with dead/sprits/daemon/gods actually prayed that these deities give me the ability to be accepting and subordinate so that I am able to wed!!!!
Clearly, gender roles are still rife in Sri Lanka. But is Sri Lankan community very different to that of the west. Alas, I believe not so. Its not the aunties and the mothers but the media of the west that bombards you with this idea of successful women size 8, mother of twins, holding down high paying job but still has time to cook dinner. Women want men, we cry over them, pine over them without them we just don't know. The woman still waits for the man to propose and when he does.....yup there is no other happier moment in her life. Women in the west too are all about a prince charming. but does believing in prince charming make you a non feminist?? Is Beyoncé a feminist? hasn't woman sexual liberation been marketed just so that now all men expect a bit of a ' slut' ? if you take your husbands name then are you no longer feminist? what if your dad walks you down the isle one man giving his daughter to another? bit archaic isn't it.
Unfortunately, I think being a feminist in Sri Lanka is a lot more straight forward than being feminist in the west. I still consider my self a feminist but now in my late 20's I see that Feminism is not about being equal as a man. Its about valuing the human being regardless of their Gender, its about sexual organs not defining your personality traits, the eradication of gender based expectations, and judgement. It does not mean that women and men have to be equal it means women and men are valued equally for the person they are and having penis does not mean superiority.
Emma Watsons in her gender equality speech purported that "Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong… It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by what we are—we can all be freer and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom '- See more at: http://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2014/9/emma-watson-gender-equality-is-your-issue-too#sthash.Mn2pUQqK.dpuf
I think her speech nailed it. It is about freedom of both genders. A feminist is not set of behaviours. Being a feminist its belief system that underpins foundation of values that extend beyond just fight for women's liberation. A feminist will stand for everyone's freedoms and everyone human rights.
This is exactly how I was a couple of years ago. My favourite saying was that I was a woman with the morals of man. However, this is not something the liberation of the west had taught me.
As a young girl my mothers and aunts always said to me ' you should have been born a boy'. That this was due to the fact that I was strong willed, always vocal about my opinions and never ever backed down until I got my way. So implicitly I was taught that these were traits of man, and not of a girl. So for a very long time I thought being told I was strong emotionally like man was compliment.
I nurtured these skills of logic, practicality and detachment over fluffy emotions.
In Sri Lanka, the girls are lucky. Unlike in countries such as India, Sri Lankan society allows for baby girls to thrive. I am not saying that we have the standards of developed countries, but for developing country we have far lower rates of forced marriages, female child deaths and high rates of literacy. Society is still divided by class system and really us girls who are born to parents of middle class and above have accesses to the good life. Growing up I was taught to believe in equality between the sexes, I believed in woman's rights, and I believed in being independent financially. I was 'told' by my mother that I had rights, that I had to study and have a career because that made me an equal. However, I was also taught that I needed to learn to cook, how do to house work, that I should look down and keep walking when men harassed me on the road, that I should wear a dress that's bellow my knees or I should expect to be harassed. when I told my father I wanted to study law, my father who is professor of architecture said to me jokingly ' your already a argumentative woman, if you become a lawyer you will more argumentative'. he advised me I study psychology instead and I listened. A boyfriend said to me that I should try to become a school counsellor as it would allow me to finish work as the same time as children we did not yet have and would leave me home bound with them. I agreed, that this was practical idea.
In retrospect I was brought up with illusion that women have rights, or women have rights to certain limit. I was brought up with role expectations of woman in patriarchal society. In the modern Sri Lanka women are expected to be educated and be financially independent. We are doctors, engineers, judges, lawyers, entrepreneurs, even a president but we are forever a woman; a vigina with a job. So basically we are expected hold down a job, know how to cook amaze ball curries, have kids, and remain a size 8. If a woman does not want to partake in this process, there is no real place for her in a Sri Lankan community. A few years ago when I was still single an aunty actually took me to Sasthara place, and the lady who spoke with dead/sprits/daemon/gods actually prayed that these deities give me the ability to be accepting and subordinate so that I am able to wed!!!!
Clearly, gender roles are still rife in Sri Lanka. But is Sri Lankan community very different to that of the west. Alas, I believe not so. Its not the aunties and the mothers but the media of the west that bombards you with this idea of successful women size 8, mother of twins, holding down high paying job but still has time to cook dinner. Women want men, we cry over them, pine over them without them we just don't know. The woman still waits for the man to propose and when he does.....yup there is no other happier moment in her life. Women in the west too are all about a prince charming. but does believing in prince charming make you a non feminist?? Is Beyoncé a feminist? hasn't woman sexual liberation been marketed just so that now all men expect a bit of a ' slut' ? if you take your husbands name then are you no longer feminist? what if your dad walks you down the isle one man giving his daughter to another? bit archaic isn't it.
Unfortunately, I think being a feminist in Sri Lanka is a lot more straight forward than being feminist in the west. I still consider my self a feminist but now in my late 20's I see that Feminism is not about being equal as a man. Its about valuing the human being regardless of their Gender, its about sexual organs not defining your personality traits, the eradication of gender based expectations, and judgement. It does not mean that women and men have to be equal it means women and men are valued equally for the person they are and having penis does not mean superiority.
Emma Watsons in her gender equality speech purported that "Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong… It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by what we are—we can all be freer and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom '- See more at: http://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2014/9/emma-watson-gender-equality-is-your-issue-too#sthash.Mn2pUQqK.dpuf
I think her speech nailed it. It is about freedom of both genders. A feminist is not set of behaviours. Being a feminist its belief system that underpins foundation of values that extend beyond just fight for women's liberation. A feminist will stand for everyone's freedoms and everyone human rights.
